and the cancer is back

a repeated nightmare as i look back on all we went through
all his weakness is tearing at us
the helpless feeling that just makes you want to cry
he ignored it christmas day just to find it this morning
my uncle is faced with leukemia again
all our hearts dragging and our tears unstoppable
i wish there was more i can do but i feel so exhausted
i search for a cure
or an explanation for anything that can comfort any of our hearts.
i cried hugging my grandma
all i can do is think of 2 years ago
and how hard it was to see him like that
a stronger chemo to kill the pain
for him to melt every emotion into
i can't stand seeing him this way
he is too young and has so much to live for
it just eats us up and the hoplesness reigns heavy
i will be praying and crying
i just want him to know how loved he is

this Christmas

the snow is falling
and so where my tears last night
as i melted in the arms of my husband
after wrapping their gifts
Christmas is not Christmas to me this year
there is very little excitement
i have not seen them for 7 months
and i still have 3 more to go
i miss my family
and the Christmas music
just gets on my nerves
so i will keep trying to look up
and enjoy the the beautiful snow
and the Christmas lights
but i have realized in the past
that it is seeing them
that brings the Christmas joy to me.