FALL

the leaves have fallen
the trees amazing and beautiful
from golden yellow
to fire red
there is this comforting sadness
as we welcome winter
but for now i am enjoying the fall
-10/31/08

democracy

"the form of government in which the supreme power is held completely by the people under a free electoral system."

i am so disappointed and i marvel
at how quick we are to follow
i am not interested in their family lives
but how they are going to better mine
i am not concerned about their outcome in the race
but the outcome of this nation
that is drowning
we so desperately need changes
but we need the actions
not just the words
i grieve when i think of the economy
and how we would rather have the next
biggest thing than that which would help others
i grieve for the civilians being killed
being tortured and torn from their families
for our own selfish gain
i grieve for the suffering
being served hospital bills
on their death bed
i cannot fathom how the richest country
can be so cruel and selfish
i am trying to figure out how i can
help or change anything
i just find myself
feeling helpless and misunderstood
there is so much going on everyday
that we turn our heads from
i ache for a peaceful place
but i guess i just need
to wait until this life is over.

needing more

i am within myself empty
running low on energy
on motivation
on love
i need to know everything is going
to be alright
i am unmotivated
in a depressing sort of way
i love him so much
but i lack the decency
to show him constantly
i am not as accomplished
as i would like to be
concerned about our future
about what is meant to be
and how to get there
wondering when life
will just come together
and be easy
challenged the last few days
i realized how much i hate
seeing him in pain.

myself

another sad day
working my 8 hours,
waiting for the time to go by
as it drags
and i along with it
am dragging
this job is wearing on me
and i am losing hope
i need to let the screams go
and try to comfort
overcome the frustration
and show compassion
but i lack

this move
is still challenging me
i am not liking myself
most of the time
waiting for everything to get fixed
for me
i need to be more proactive
and positive
i need to drag myself out of this depression
i need to just be myself
even around those i do not know
very well or at all
i just need to be
myself
and cling to things that matter.

*STRANGER*

Unfamiliar
I feel like a stranger
to my family
This beautiful city
is a stranger to me
narrow streets
old buildings
so many trees
A year ago
i married such a sweet man
He sacrificed so much
to be here
and we have
so much further to go
He might be the only one
who really knows me

~KEVIN~

The wind is blowing
so hard
nobody can get anywhere
the snow sticks
and ice covers the city

His body is shutting down
and my heart aches
The cancer attacks
and there is nothing we can do
nothing any of us can do
only ache
and grieve
While his body is shutting down

I FEEL SO HELPLESS AND WONDER WHY
One of the nicest guys I know GONE.
I was blessed to be related to him
as well as my grandfather

I prayed last night
harder than I have in a long time
Its amazing how the words just flowed
from my mind
from my desperate heart

For strength for my family
For my uncle to know who God truly is
to enter into His love
and grasp His presence

But what I don't understand
is why He would take such a sweet and caring man
from the world
We need more like him
That can ask how you are doing
from a hospital bed

He was strong in his weakness
and I think he knew
it was time.

Written 2/14/08-Tiffany Conner

"The world is full of suffering~
it is also full of overcoming it."
-Helen Keller

ignoring the pain

a family hoping
and praying for one more breath
too hard to say good bye
too hard to see the sick
and you choke on the tears
then comes the sob
longing for comfort
from anyone anywhere
praying in times of desperation
down to our last hope
he is getting
sicker
and sicker
and the pain throbs
an awful feeling
we just need to know
what to expect
and how to cope
i try to ignore the illness
and i have been succeeding lately
but i need to see him
and let him know i care.

flood of tears

i have been ignoring that phone call
through the majority of the night
but the thought of a death bed
is haunting me
~and its all i can think about
i am shocked that i can pretend
that everything is fine
just focus on everything but the fact that he may die
i have not heard my mom sob for years
my heart breaks
as it falls to the floor of helplessness
~all i feel is helpless and sad
scared for him and his children, his family
he is soft spoken and strong
and we all seem to be barely holding on
to any form of hope
any other options that may help fight
everything that is taking over him
~i just pray and ask why
try to hold back the cry
but i am not strong right now
and i feel sick to my stomach
from everything that aches and breaks us
another night in a hospital bed for him
~he can only fight so hard
and it seems he has reached his max
the very thing that has made him so sick
is what was supposed to help and cure him
its not working
i am shaky and tired
~please hold us through this
i am trying to look up through this
but i am overwhelmed and human

a good quote...

I forgot how to slow down
to breathe in and out
and relax through the breaths
worried
stressed
over welmed
concerned
Melt me in your arms
and hold my heart steady
I am in the depth of madness and frustration
everyone here looks out for them selves
and doesn't seem to mind
in stomping over everyone else to do it
I heard a good quote today
i only hope it is true

"The world is full of suffering
it is also full of overcoming it."
~Helen Keller