write something

feeling it all inside
screaming to come out
yet wanting to keep it all in
so i write something

i am silent in my thoughts
my deep thoughts
taking it all in
lacking an expression
so i write something

i don't stand out
but i can still enjoy
the beauty
it is indescribable
yet i have this urge
to write something...

here i am

here i am
far away enough to hide
i have no shelter of old friends
just my loving husband
all we survive with
all we can't stand

i am different than i used to be
they may judge
and say i have fallen
that because of him
i am no longer their sister of faith
simply because i am aware
of brutal realities
i ignored back then

here i am
trying to comprehend
why they view issues
with such simplicity
and stand against everything
they never will be able to control
there is so much more
to it all
these are petty politics

so frustrated
waring with myself
knowing nobody can change
the religious
politically insane
train of thought
anyone who feels different
automatically degraded
to an outcast

here i am
seeking more education
trying to see
through the eyes of love

i don't understand
how the corporations
are the answer for anything-
yet are controlling everything

i don't understand
how an unending war is going on
people are suffering and dying
while our economy dies with them

i don't understand how
abortion and homosexuality
can be their focus of attack
meanwhile the country is falling apart
people losing homes
families are devastated
living in poverty
why is their so much focus
on the unborn
and none on the quality of life
for the living
why can't we provide
health care to those that need it

we are called to love one another
that there is grace and love
in God for all
but in no way is it offered in the way
we vote
or the way we lash out and condemn
those who may need
something more from our government

we are spending all this money
on pointless wars-
killing thousands for oil
but god forbid they use
any of your tax money
to help the environment
or to provide health care
to the sick jobless Americans.

i am here
realizing this
realizing that things are not so cut and dry
they are not all black and white
that those i used to look up to
i can't anymore
because i am in a new place
and...not just physically

my sad demeanor

trying to evaluate how i feel
or the reason for the melancholy mood

can't decide on what i want
while knowing what we need

i am so confused
do we really need to leave
after only 2 years

are we just giving up
or giving in to the inevitable

i am captivated
by this beautiful city
almost to the point of tears

still so much
i want to see and do
but the annoyance of being broke
and barely being able to afford necessities
shadows over me

my sad demeanor
my only defense
as i realize
but try to ignore
that location is not everything

going back home
forced to face
that place again

where i was torn down
but where He restored me
and gave me my love

we can get through this
i just need to find the peace
in moving
yet again

12/14/09

music

falling in love with
the amazing sounds
put to poetry
strikes an emotion
maybe even produces a tear
my love for music
always there
but the joy in it
is returning
bonding me
to anyone
that can appreciate it
like I do
it gives hope, beauty, love
friendships
it is amazing
and I will always
need it
to keep my sanity
in this selfish
dissolving world

12/2/09

http://popup.lala.com/popup/4035506749898521333

“music’s the medicine of the mind” – john a. logan

LOST

Trying to decide

On a home

To move on in my life

To conquer my dreams

This place is lovely

To the eye

Harsh to the worker

Trying to do everything

We can do

To have dignity

To prosper

But I cannot do that

In a position I hate

No time to enjoy

The decision we made

To live in such a beautiful

And enjoyable state

I am so disappointed

And sad

We moved here

To live here

For 2 years

Then go back?

I am amazed how hard I have tried

To fight

I feel defeated

Torn

And lost

4/14/09

With Him

My heart is overwhelmed

With love

For him

As I realize

What an amazing

Person he is

My all

In love

With the sweetest

Boy alive

I could see myself

Facing any obstacle

With him

Holding my hand

Helping me through

Loving me

In the incredible

Way he does

So well

He is the love

Of my life

I will cherish him

As a gift from God

I cannot wait to live out

My future

With him

tested

a sting
of something missing
longing for a home
tired of feeling
so alone

just us-
we are tested
and alone
but we will be ok
what does not kill us
makes us stronger

sometimes i wonder
if life would be easier
if we just stayed

where we were
CONTENT
there will be always be things
to miss

whether it be
trees, bridges, the beach
OR
family, friends, childhood memories

eye sugery

a bit of a shock
to begin with
but here we are fighting the fight
to have the health needed
to go on
top priority
to take care of each other

let him recover well please
carry him though it
relieve the stress
the pressure

thank you for the bridge
the beautiful city
the headlights in the fog.

my best friend

to feel your hands
gently caress mine

to look into your soft eyes
your smooth lips
against mine

2 1/2 years you have
been by my side
between the smiles & laughs
and the anger & tears
we remain close & strong

you are and forever will be
MY BEST FRIEND

to: ben
love, tiffany

barely existing

letting life pass me by
i am not living
i am barely existing
disconnected from any enjoyment
this place-
the state i am in is draining me
everything frozen-
no sun in sight

3/17/09

my all

i cannot be everything i would like to be
i have lost the energy
to be sympathetic or loving
taking it all out
on the one i love the most

burnt out from being at a
place i hate too much

how can i be my all
in a state of misery
for 50 hours a week

i am exhausted
i have no outlet
no time to be alone
in my thoughts

no time to ponder
this pathetic career

i moved to an amazing place
to be at a job i hate
all the time


~2/16/09

just be

what needs to happen in life
to realize what you really need to know

why does something tragic need to happen
to become a person who can love
who can give selflessly

i need to blossom under pressure
to be who i am meant to be

uptight, bottled up
everything kept inside
all the time

how do i let go?
...relax...bloom??

i need peace and quiet
alone time to sit
and listen to my own breath....

to just be.

~1/14/09

cold december day

the skies are blue
grass still green
a december without snow
just the rain
but today is clear
a typical december day

i am in my sweater
and scarf
pondering life
as i exist in the day to day routine
feeling as though i am working my life away.

am i were i need to be?
i feel like i should be further
to achieving my dreams
of having a family
my maternal instincts
have kicked in

i have a dream of being a mother
of loving my baby
unconditionally
until the day i die

i feel so far from
my dream
waiting for my blessing of life
waiting for the right time...
the time to be ready.

so much to achieve
so much to save
to feel prepared
to provide.

but for now
i am getting through the day.


~december 4, 2008