my all

i cannot be everything i would like to be
i have lost the energy
to be sympathetic or loving
taking it all out
on the one i love the most

burnt out from being at a
place i hate too much

how can i be my all
in a state of misery
for 50 hours a week

i am exhausted
i have no outlet
no time to be alone
in my thoughts

no time to ponder
this pathetic career

i moved to an amazing place
to be at a job i hate
all the time


~2/16/09

just be

what needs to happen in life
to realize what you really need to know

why does something tragic need to happen
to become a person who can love
who can give selflessly

i need to blossom under pressure
to be who i am meant to be

uptight, bottled up
everything kept inside
all the time

how do i let go?
...relax...bloom??

i need peace and quiet
alone time to sit
and listen to my own breath....

to just be.

~1/14/09

cold december day

the skies are blue
grass still green
a december without snow
just the rain
but today is clear
a typical december day

i am in my sweater
and scarf
pondering life
as i exist in the day to day routine
feeling as though i am working my life away.

am i were i need to be?
i feel like i should be further
to achieving my dreams
of having a family
my maternal instincts
have kicked in

i have a dream of being a mother
of loving my baby
unconditionally
until the day i die

i feel so far from
my dream
waiting for my blessing of life
waiting for the right time...
the time to be ready.

so much to achieve
so much to save
to feel prepared
to provide.

but for now
i am getting through the day.


~december 4, 2008