and the cancer is back

a repeated nightmare as i look back on all we went through
all his weakness is tearing at us
the helpless feeling that just makes you want to cry
he ignored it christmas day just to find it this morning
my uncle is faced with leukemia again
all our hearts dragging and our tears unstoppable
i wish there was more i can do but i feel so exhausted
i search for a cure
or an explanation for anything that can comfort any of our hearts.
i cried hugging my grandma
all i can do is think of 2 years ago
and how hard it was to see him like that
a stronger chemo to kill the pain
for him to melt every emotion into
i can't stand seeing him this way
he is too young and has so much to live for
it just eats us up and the hoplesness reigns heavy
i will be praying and crying
i just want him to know how loved he is

this Christmas

the snow is falling
and so where my tears last night
as i melted in the arms of my husband
after wrapping their gifts
Christmas is not Christmas to me this year
there is very little excitement
i have not seen them for 7 months
and i still have 3 more to go
i miss my family
and the Christmas music
just gets on my nerves
so i will keep trying to look up
and enjoy the the beautiful snow
and the Christmas lights
but i have realized in the past
that it is seeing them
that brings the Christmas joy to me.

the move

held onto a dream for years
but it always felt so far
from my reach

now here i am approaching
the uprooting of my life and his
to leave everything
and start fresh

the savings is accumulating
and it truly seems
like a miracle

i am moving in 3 months
to a beautiful city
the same state that my mom lives
i will be there during the holidays
during the times that i need to see them

i am excited
the nervousness is pushing me
to prepare and pack
leaving some things behind
and venture out for a new start

new jobs
new apartment
new life
better life

he is sacrificing a lot
so willingly and lovingly
and we will be ok
we just need to be there.

a chapter in my life is being written
i am a married woman
married to the sweetest man i have ever known
one i know that will cherish and take care of me
and yet we are attacked and judged
by the eyes of, what i am assuming can only be jealousy
it's amazing how some one can over look his amazing ways
and his incredible insights
and go right to tearing his heart
and in the process, mine is torn too
because he is so much a part of me
he is an amazing soul
and his heart is so deep and heavy
with concerns that most of us only ignore daily
so why do others judge the exterior,
there is so much to him that they over look
due to their own pettiness and lack of a human effort.
the honeymoon is over
but we never will be
and as you speak of him, you are speaking of me.

eyes of the poor

It seems there is always a reason to feel sad
An unquestionable streak of blue
And yet I am being held by you
Do you mind
If I just sit and cry
Maybe I will fall asleep in my tears
And dream
Of a happier world
A harmonized state
A loving place
To dwell
And take you with me
We can hold hands
In the fresh breeze
And not see the eyes of the poor
Because everyone is living
Healthy and alive
But instead I wake up to the sting of
My own tears
And this world of tragedy, greed and despair.