write something

feeling it all inside
screaming to come out
yet wanting to keep it all in
so i write something

i am silent in my thoughts
my deep thoughts
taking it all in
lacking an expression
so i write something

i don't stand out
but i can still enjoy
the beauty
it is indescribable
yet i have this urge
to write something...

here i am

here i am
far away enough to hide
i have no shelter of old friends
just my loving husband
all we survive with
all we can't stand

i am different than i used to be
they may judge
and say i have fallen
that because of him
i am no longer their sister of faith
simply because i am aware
of brutal realities
i ignored back then

here i am
trying to comprehend
why they view issues
with such simplicity
and stand against everything
they never will be able to control
there is so much more
to it all
these are petty politics

so frustrated
waring with myself
knowing nobody can change
the religious
politically insane
train of thought
anyone who feels different
automatically degraded
to an outcast

here i am
seeking more education
trying to see
through the eyes of love

i don't understand
how the corporations
are the answer for anything-
yet are controlling everything

i don't understand
how an unending war is going on
people are suffering and dying
while our economy dies with them

i don't understand how
abortion and homosexuality
can be their focus of attack
meanwhile the country is falling apart
people losing homes
families are devastated
living in poverty
why is their so much focus
on the unborn
and none on the quality of life
for the living
why can't we provide
health care to those that need it

we are called to love one another
that there is grace and love
in God for all
but in no way is it offered in the way
we vote
or the way we lash out and condemn
those who may need
something more from our government

we are spending all this money
on pointless wars-
killing thousands for oil
but god forbid they use
any of your tax money
to help the environment
or to provide health care
to the sick jobless Americans.

i am here
realizing this
realizing that things are not so cut and dry
they are not all black and white
that those i used to look up to
i can't anymore
because i am in a new place
and...not just physically

my sad demeanor

trying to evaluate how i feel
or the reason for the melancholy mood

can't decide on what i want
while knowing what we need

i am so confused
do we really need to leave
after only 2 years

are we just giving up
or giving in to the inevitable

i am captivated
by this beautiful city
almost to the point of tears

still so much
i want to see and do
but the annoyance of being broke
and barely being able to afford necessities
shadows over me

my sad demeanor
my only defense
as i realize
but try to ignore
that location is not everything

going back home
forced to face
that place again

where i was torn down
but where He restored me
and gave me my love

we can get through this
i just need to find the peace
in moving
yet again

12/14/09

music

falling in love with
the amazing sounds
put to poetry
strikes an emotion
maybe even produces a tear
my love for music
always there
but the joy in it
is returning
bonding me
to anyone
that can appreciate it
like I do
it gives hope, beauty, love
friendships
it is amazing
and I will always
need it
to keep my sanity
in this selfish
dissolving world

12/2/09

http://popup.lala.com/popup/4035506749898521333

“music’s the medicine of the mind” – john a. logan

LOST

Trying to decide

On a home

To move on in my life

To conquer my dreams

This place is lovely

To the eye

Harsh to the worker

Trying to do everything

We can do

To have dignity

To prosper

But I cannot do that

In a position I hate

No time to enjoy

The decision we made

To live in such a beautiful

And enjoyable state

I am so disappointed

And sad

We moved here

To live here

For 2 years

Then go back?

I am amazed how hard I have tried

To fight

I feel defeated

Torn

And lost

4/14/09

With Him

My heart is overwhelmed

With love

For him

As I realize

What an amazing

Person he is

My all

In love

With the sweetest

Boy alive

I could see myself

Facing any obstacle

With him

Holding my hand

Helping me through

Loving me

In the incredible

Way he does

So well

He is the love

Of my life

I will cherish him

As a gift from God

I cannot wait to live out

My future

With him

tested

a sting
of something missing
longing for a home
tired of feeling
so alone

just us-
we are tested
and alone
but we will be ok
what does not kill us
makes us stronger

sometimes i wonder
if life would be easier
if we just stayed

where we were
CONTENT
there will be always be things
to miss

whether it be
trees, bridges, the beach
OR
family, friends, childhood memories

eye sugery

a bit of a shock
to begin with
but here we are fighting the fight
to have the health needed
to go on
top priority
to take care of each other

let him recover well please
carry him though it
relieve the stress
the pressure

thank you for the bridge
the beautiful city
the headlights in the fog.

my best friend

to feel your hands
gently caress mine

to look into your soft eyes
your smooth lips
against mine

2 1/2 years you have
been by my side
between the smiles & laughs
and the anger & tears
we remain close & strong

you are and forever will be
MY BEST FRIEND

to: ben
love, tiffany

barely existing

letting life pass me by
i am not living
i am barely existing
disconnected from any enjoyment
this place-
the state i am in is draining me
everything frozen-
no sun in sight

3/17/09

my all

i cannot be everything i would like to be
i have lost the energy
to be sympathetic or loving
taking it all out
on the one i love the most

burnt out from being at a
place i hate too much

how can i be my all
in a state of misery
for 50 hours a week

i am exhausted
i have no outlet
no time to be alone
in my thoughts

no time to ponder
this pathetic career

i moved to an amazing place
to be at a job i hate
all the time


~2/16/09

just be

what needs to happen in life
to realize what you really need to know

why does something tragic need to happen
to become a person who can love
who can give selflessly

i need to blossom under pressure
to be who i am meant to be

uptight, bottled up
everything kept inside
all the time

how do i let go?
...relax...bloom??

i need peace and quiet
alone time to sit
and listen to my own breath....

to just be.

~1/14/09

cold december day

the skies are blue
grass still green
a december without snow
just the rain
but today is clear
a typical december day

i am in my sweater
and scarf
pondering life
as i exist in the day to day routine
feeling as though i am working my life away.

am i were i need to be?
i feel like i should be further
to achieving my dreams
of having a family
my maternal instincts
have kicked in

i have a dream of being a mother
of loving my baby
unconditionally
until the day i die

i feel so far from
my dream
waiting for my blessing of life
waiting for the right time...
the time to be ready.

so much to achieve
so much to save
to feel prepared
to provide.

but for now
i am getting through the day.


~december 4, 2008

FALL

the leaves have fallen
the trees amazing and beautiful
from golden yellow
to fire red
there is this comforting sadness
as we welcome winter
but for now i am enjoying the fall
-10/31/08

democracy

"the form of government in which the supreme power is held completely by the people under a free electoral system."

i am so disappointed and i marvel
at how quick we are to follow
i am not interested in their family lives
but how they are going to better mine
i am not concerned about their outcome in the race
but the outcome of this nation
that is drowning
we so desperately need changes
but we need the actions
not just the words
i grieve when i think of the economy
and how we would rather have the next
biggest thing than that which would help others
i grieve for the civilians being killed
being tortured and torn from their families
for our own selfish gain
i grieve for the suffering
being served hospital bills
on their death bed
i cannot fathom how the richest country
can be so cruel and selfish
i am trying to figure out how i can
help or change anything
i just find myself
feeling helpless and misunderstood
there is so much going on everyday
that we turn our heads from
i ache for a peaceful place
but i guess i just need
to wait until this life is over.

needing more

i am within myself empty
running low on energy
on motivation
on love
i need to know everything is going
to be alright
i am unmotivated
in a depressing sort of way
i love him so much
but i lack the decency
to show him constantly
i am not as accomplished
as i would like to be
concerned about our future
about what is meant to be
and how to get there
wondering when life
will just come together
and be easy
challenged the last few days
i realized how much i hate
seeing him in pain.

myself

another sad day
working my 8 hours,
waiting for the time to go by
as it drags
and i along with it
am dragging
this job is wearing on me
and i am losing hope
i need to let the screams go
and try to comfort
overcome the frustration
and show compassion
but i lack

this move
is still challenging me
i am not liking myself
most of the time
waiting for everything to get fixed
for me
i need to be more proactive
and positive
i need to drag myself out of this depression
i need to just be myself
even around those i do not know
very well or at all
i just need to be
myself
and cling to things that matter.

*STRANGER*

Unfamiliar
I feel like a stranger
to my family
This beautiful city
is a stranger to me
narrow streets
old buildings
so many trees
A year ago
i married such a sweet man
He sacrificed so much
to be here
and we have
so much further to go
He might be the only one
who really knows me

~KEVIN~

The wind is blowing
so hard
nobody can get anywhere
the snow sticks
and ice covers the city

His body is shutting down
and my heart aches
The cancer attacks
and there is nothing we can do
nothing any of us can do
only ache
and grieve
While his body is shutting down

I FEEL SO HELPLESS AND WONDER WHY
One of the nicest guys I know GONE.
I was blessed to be related to him
as well as my grandfather

I prayed last night
harder than I have in a long time
Its amazing how the words just flowed
from my mind
from my desperate heart

For strength for my family
For my uncle to know who God truly is
to enter into His love
and grasp His presence

But what I don't understand
is why He would take such a sweet and caring man
from the world
We need more like him
That can ask how you are doing
from a hospital bed

He was strong in his weakness
and I think he knew
it was time.

Written 2/14/08-Tiffany Conner

"The world is full of suffering~
it is also full of overcoming it."
-Helen Keller

ignoring the pain

a family hoping
and praying for one more breath
too hard to say good bye
too hard to see the sick
and you choke on the tears
then comes the sob
longing for comfort
from anyone anywhere
praying in times of desperation
down to our last hope
he is getting
sicker
and sicker
and the pain throbs
an awful feeling
we just need to know
what to expect
and how to cope
i try to ignore the illness
and i have been succeeding lately
but i need to see him
and let him know i care.